Town and County News

 Town and County News

By Clive Cuffler: Staff Reporter

New bylaw

As reported last week Council held a meeting to discuss the feasibility of declaring Nuance Road a one way street. Unfortunately the meeting was cancelled at the last minute due to not having a quorum. No date for the next meeting has been scheduled as of this post.

In our humble opinion having a one way street in our town would do nothing but cause confusion. The Mayor and Council need to get their priorities straight concerning what our town needs. A one way street is the least of our worries.

Pot holes on Elgin St.

A new pothole was reported this week on Elgin Street. 

“Ayup,” reported Leonard Cutter. “That hole was so big that Kenny Draper was seen kayaking people across it.”

When the Mayor was asked about this he would neither affirm or deny the pothole in question. ‘Kenny Draper has done some wild stunts,” he replied. 

A reporter was sent out to see the pothole for himself but has yet to return with the story. We may have to send another reporter to see what is taking him so long to report on this story. Stay tuned for further details.  

Loyal Order of Goose Callers

Clive Yarborough is looking for members to join his newly formed local group The Loyal Order Of Goose Callers. 

When asked why he was forming a group here he said,”during hunting season we hear them all over the place. I thought it would be good to form a local chapter so that we would all be up on the best ways to attract geese to our township. We are known for goose hunting out here.“

If you are interested in joining the HONK, that’s what they call the club, please let Clive know. He is hoping to open a little drinking establishment down at Clive’s Pond to encourage members to talk to one and another. 

Outhouse missing

Fanny Albright has sent out an urgent SOS. Whoever removed her outhouse is being advised to return it ASAP. 

“Big Bubba is going to blow if we don’t get it back soon,” said Fanny in her only statement. “Please show some compassion.”

If anyone knows the whereabouts of Fanny and Bubba’s outhouse please let them know. Those downwind would appreciate some relief

Election update

For the forty third week in a row the Mayor has put out a call asking anyone who would like to be a counsellor to submit their name in writing to the Mayor.

“We are mystified,” reported the Mayor, “that this vacancy has lasted so long. Usually we fill these positions within hours as they are one of the few good paying jobs in the township.”

When asked what the hold up was in filling the position the Mayor mumbled something about the last counsellor being shot at by a constituent, before he hustled off. 

Please send your resume to the Mayor so we can remove this item of concern from the list of issues within the Township.

In a related story the Mayor has been offering lessons on how to clean your guns safely for all who may be interested.